Dancing in the rain

 Dancing in the rain

-A Kim Taehyung imagine…

~Written by : Simran

[DISCLAIMER]

This content contains triggering topics such as R*pe, a*use, and s*icide. Please proceed carefully! Reader discretion is advised.

 

[Author’s pov]

12:00 am, Han river bridge.

A dark wind howled, ruffling her hair backwards, she sat on the balustrade of the bridge, her eyes remained fixed down..looking for the deepest point inside the river. Her grip on the balustrade of the bridge remained tight, her hands turning red from the stronghold on the object.

Now anyone who would pass by or spare a glance at her figure would just wonder that she’s here to appreciate the peace, and the wonders of nature which are beautiful. But she was doing anything but that. Her mind wandered into dark places, places where there was no light, no hope, no hand for help, just a gawking darkness that would swallow her eventually.

She wondered…how would it feel like to be in the water? She couldn’t swim so she wouldn’t even try to break through, her lungs begging for air and her heart sending her signals of its disfunctioning when she’d close her eyes and finally let go of this world.

How would it feel to finally be free of this world? Of this pain? Of every scar on her body and soul? Of every filthy human who roams around freely when they’re equal to monsters or worse beasts than them, of every breath that’ll take everything away?

That. That was the only thing she was thinking from the past 30 minutes. Blood dripping from her right hand shows that she fought hard but she isn’t free yet, she isn’t at peace yet and she doubts she’ll ever be . Just jumping into water and escaping everything is all she could think about .

She would’ve never ever thought about taking a step like this but right now…she can’t think . she could only feel right now and the only thing she’s feeling is the urge to escape this agony.

Closing her eyes, she rips it off like a bandage , letting herself free from the support of balustrade, letting herself not to think about any regrets, just craving to leave this all behind, she jumps.

But she doesn’t feel it, she doesn’t feel cold water touching her skin, doesn’t feel any suffocating feeling, nothing. Just a firm grip on her wrist, which was so strong that it held her whole body. And she finally looks up, into the eyes of culprit behind taking it all away from her, the person who stopped her from relieving all this pain once and all when she was so close to achieving it.

TAEHYUNG: Try to co-operate at least, you aren’t even bulging.

-Her face stills blank, her body remains still and she doesn’t respond to any of his attempts of not letting her fall in the shallow water.

There he saw it, no regret. No struggle to live, no voice in her which suggested her a second chance. He managed to pull her up somehow, and they both landed on the ground with a thud.

She doesn’t speak anything and he drags her to a nearby station, he plopped next to the seat he made for her to sit on.

The atmosphere was thick, no words were exchanged between them and that made her anxiousness rise.

AVA: why? Why did you save me?

-Her eyes, they held so much despair, pain and they looked tired, tired of every single thing happening.

Tae: That’s the first thing you do when you see a stranger going for a swim at midnight, do you even know how could the water would be right now?

-She scoffed ,not finding his humor amusing.

Ava: you didn’t have the right to save me, it was my f’cking decision to jump in there and escape from this hell-hole , you just ruined the thing that was something I wanted the most!

-she exclaimed , her voice seemed teary but no liquid formed in her eyes.

Tae: of course I had the right to save you, I couldn’t just let you d!e thinking this was something you wanted the most. I couldn’t just…let you have one of the worst deaths possible…the one with incomplete purposes.

-His eyes fell onto hers searching for any hint of hope in her eyes.

Ava: now what? You’re gonna lecture me on how to not be su!cidal? how I’m weak and I don’t know how to face things and I shouldn’t be a coward? You’re gonna call emergency hotlines for mentally ill people like me? Please don’t, I really don’t need your help, that’s not exactly helping.

Tae: woah mam!! I was about to give this candy to you first but you’re really taking me wrong…

-he took out a strawberry flavored lollipop from his pocket, gesturing towards her. She eyed it , craving the flavor since it was her favorite contemplating whether to take it or not.

Ava: what if it’s poisoned?

-she tried her best to figure out why the f’ck would this person giver her a candy instead of doing all the things she mentioned earlier.

Tae: wow you think so low of me…why would I try to kill you after minutes of saving you?

-she took the candy from him after giving it a thought. He gave her a warm smile.

Tae: I’m Taehyung by the way.

-he scooted closer to her,throwing away the stick after finishing the sweet.

Ava: Ava,Yang-no Choi Ava

-she stutters, almost spilling the name she loathed.

Tae: you have a pretty name no choi Ava.

-he smiles brightly at her, earning an eye roll from her due to him trying to be funny.

She tried her best to stay pressed, furious to him about the whole thing but she couldn’t. she couldn’t spare a thought to her thoughts or anything back there, her focus remained on the man in front of her.

His smile, it was…beautiful. The only word defining it in simplest form. It had a coldness behind it, yet doesn’t mean it isn’t comforting…it isn’t that the warmest smiles are the source of comfort everytime, the coldness behind his smile was intriguing, it was broken yet so beautiful.

Tae: can I hold your hand?

-she got embarrassed when he caught her staring, managing to keep that smile stuck to his face.

She nods, like a spell chanting on her , getting her lost in his gray orbs with a tint of blue in them , they’re dreamy…captivating her in a trance of getting lost in them and she wants to , its like she’s in a hallucination and could wake up any second.

He intertwines their fingers together, breaking the eye contact to look at the view in front of him but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. It isn’t that he’s the most beautiful human she’s seen in her entire life but he seems the most interesting one. He seems so unpredictable and she’s into it.

Minutes passed by , they remain in the same position, hand in hand without any word spoken by them. He didn’t push her to talk, waiting for her to get comfortable around him and he was ready to wait for the while it takes.

Ava: I’m married

-her gaze remained fixed at the ground , she felt a squeeze on her hand …indicating her to continue when she’s finally ready to open up.

Ava: I was 17…my parents married me off to a mafia named Yang hyun, one of the most powerful monsters out there. It was an illegal marriage but he was too enforced for anyone to question that. My parents thought of me as a disappointment.

Paying for my studies…it felt a burden to them…I felt a burden to them. They wished for a son, which I could never be, I wanted to provide for them to prove that I’m at least a little worthy to this world but they didn’t listen.

I was coming home from my college, I had my first ever novel written in my hand which meant the world to me. It was torn into pieces I could never assemble again, I was thrown in a pit of hell with the person they sent me off to. They sold me, the price that I’m most definitely sure they thought I wasn’t worth half. But he was surprisingly good to me, that was the first lie he showed me.

I thought I was finally worthy in someone’s eyes, maybe this could go well is what I thought…but it didn’t. he would r@pe me everyday, calling it his form of ‘showing love’. I had to obey, being told I’ve been made to please my husband when I was a f’cking minor and using the word r@pe for it is a sin. There’s no world like that when you’re married, is what I was shut with. And I listened , like a porcelain doll.

He beat me, with belt, bourbon bottles, with his hands , legs and vases and possibly everything…when he wanted to, saying that he loves me, but I shouldn’t piss him off…I shouldn’t ask for it when in reality my mouth was sealed from day 1 of your marriage.

I couldn’t understand…what did I do wrong to him?i stayed silent, because I didn’t have anything to left anymore. I had him, only him. Who didn’t say I was unworthy, who hit me , saying I was worth it, who f’cked me every walking second saying I was worth it.

She plastered a smile which wasn’t glowing, seeing the look on his face as she wiped the goddamn tear which slipped from her eyes despite her struggle to keep it in.

Don’t worry I didn’t fall in love with him. Not like wives of his friends who suffered probably more but still loved their dear husbands. I couldn’t hurt myself more by loving him. Just because he didn’t hit the weakest spot of mine doesn’t mean I‘d give him that.

I hate him. The abhorrence I have for him is enough to kill myself because his existence is itself so pathetic. It’s sickening.

-she chuckled ,no humor lacing her tone.

I’ve been living in it for 4 years, which felt like eternity. Every hour, every minute, every second felt painful. That’s all he could give me. I felt sick at the thought of even searching for something good in that poor excuse of a human, who killed people during day and killed me when he came back home…yet I couldn’t die that was f’cking painful than anything.

-He moved closer to her, his eyes glistening which made her toes curl. He asked if he could hug her as she nodded, breaking into tears which couldn’t stop. He pulled her into his embrace, being careful seeing the visible scars on her back, he closed his eyes harshly, his jaw clenching as his body fumed with anger.

Ava: I couldn’t anymore when I saw him sleeping with three different women at the same time, he smirked at me, that disgusting act he pulled to bring me down and it did. That was the moment I felt the most unworthy. I never thought he-he’d cheat on me like that. I was a fool to believe every good things spoken about him which was nothing but f’cking lie.

He broke me everywhere, yet he wasn’t satisfied, I was about to leave that suffocating place but he wouldn’t let me go that easily. I have every access to his private stuff, his underground world and his places hidden from the government.

I was the biggest threat he could afford, so he locked me in a dark room. I’m claustrophobic, it was one of the most difficult days I’ve faced, de@th seemed easier, more inviting than that hell. But I escaped the place, with the help of his best friend, who’s the only mafia I’ve known that matches the characters we read in books and I think he pitied me or I just forgot humanity even existed.

It didn’t take long for Hyun to find out, he killed his own best friend in front of my eyes and I’m on the run from his men for two days.

-She pulled back from the hug, her bloodshot eyes matched with his, who cried along with her silently.

Ava: I think I’ve lost them but I know not for too long. He’ll find me and I’ll be facing something more painful than de@th could ever be, so I was about to give up, I was tired of running Taehyung, I was tired of getting hurt for just merely existing.

I know it’s not my fault, I’m not dumb enough to blame everything on me. But in this world, these people aren’t worth living for. I don’t have a purpose to live anymore but I do have a lot of reasons to not live.

-He wiped her tears, waiting for her to calm down.

Tae: you have a reason to live, many actually. These scars , they deserve to be treated. Healed no matter how much time it takes. You need to be healed, it’ll hurt more when you’ll treat them , wen you’ll try living despite everything. But it’ll be worth it, I promise. And I’m not promising just to make you feel better, I want you to keep it.

You called yourself weak for giving up and trying to be pain free? You’re not weak for that Ava, you’ve been strong for too long now. I have no right to call you weak by just a moment of it. After enduring every pain you experienced, you had a moment. When you thought if it’d be okay to let go and you’re not weak for that.

That’s one of the most difficult things to decide to do and choosing a way out of another doesn’t make you weak. Just one change of way of dealing things doesn’t make you weak.

You’re still strong. Strong to experience all that shit and just bearing it for too long. Everything eventually needs a break and I’m not judging you for that. But I’m convincing you, there’s a reason to live, there’s always one. You need to find it, no matter what. You need to make him pay for his deeds, k!lling yourself will just overpower that monster.

Don’t give him that advantage, please try. As much as you can’t anymore, please live , for you. For once. Think about yourself and believe in yourself.

Ava: How? They’re going to find me and there’s no hope for me. I don’t have anywhere to go,

-his thumb ran over her cheek, rubbing over a faint scar which still didn’t suck an ounce of her beauty.

Tae: run, for as long as you can. You have a chance, you’ve escaped that place, you’re out now and all you have to do is to outsmart him which you can. You need to make him pay for everything he did, no karma will do it for you. You need to do it yourself. He’s a sinner of you, you’re bound to destroy him.

My words may seem hollow to you now but believe me Ava, escaping from the world isn’t the actual escape. It’s the demons inside our heads which makes us believe it is. The next day, he’ll wake up and choose to do the same cycle to someone else and it will continue on.

I know you’re tired but you’ve survived for too long, you’ve come so far now and su!icide is not the solution to this. It never was, search for a way Ava and believe me, the amount of physical and mental strength you have to endure all that won’t throw your efforts in vain.

So when you find it and you break him , more than he did. I want to see that smile on your face , the satisfaction and the proudness on your face when you finally do it. Trust me, you can. I assure you!!

-Her heart swelled at his attempts to make her feel good, igniting a light in her which almost faded away. A light of hope she never received in her life, maybe giving up was an option to her since she was never comforted, being foreign to the feeling but it felt good. Knowing someone she doesn’t even know cared.

Ava: you seem to…have some experience about this

-his face went pale, as if she hit a spot. He weakly smiled, looking at his feet.

Tae: i…had a brother. He was drug addict, he wasn’t a bad person…I promise. He tried hard to give up on his adduction but he was never given words of hope. My parents disowned him and didn’t try to help him once. I was a child and I didn’t know a thing that was going on.

I would visit him without anyone knowing and all I could see